Metcalf & Associates Blog

Thanksgiving and Gratefulness

 

I am making this post on Thanksgiving Day 2009 so I want to talk about gratefulness and the role it plays in my professional life. It is an important part of my personal and leadership practice (practice - something I continue to do because it is never complete), By thinking about what I am grateful for when I wake in the morning, when I go to sleep in the evening, and during the day; I improve my ability to put the daily challenges in perspective. I can not remove challenges from my life but I can meet them with grace. By showing grace during the difficult times, I improve my emotional intelligence and improve ability to lead others effectively.

As a leader, people look to me to set the tone for how we work. I often struggle to manage all of the tasks at hand and still make time to take care of my self. This simple practice allows me to quickly "reboot" when I face a challenging situation. “Gratefulness enables us to find peace in all circumstances by freeing us from resentment. As long as we are merely thankful, we give thanks for what we perceive to be beneficial, yet we retain the lurking fear that something harmful may come our way instead. To be grateful is more. It is our courageous trust that life itself – kind or harsh, happy or sad – is good, if only we receive it as gift. The gift is the opportunity either to fully accept or to change what the moment brings. The moment we trust in this truth, we are at peace.” From http://www.gratefulness.org/. Consider subscribing to the daily gratefulness email. We believe the act of being grateful is one powerful and simple practice associated with later stages of leadership development. It provides the individual an opportunity to reflect on the good in their lives even when what is happening in the moment may be very challenging. A few basic recommendations:

• At the end of each day take 5 minutes to review what you are grateful for,
• Take 5 minutes to write what you are grateful at the beginning or end of the day,
• Take a minute to think about what you appreciate about a person before you enter a challenging conversation with him/her,
• Tell your family and friends what you appreciate when they do something you like - be very specific. An example from my life this week: Carlene, when you walked my dog on last minute notice I was so grateful. My plans changed at the last minute and I found myself distracted and thinking about my dogs sitting at home. Your letting them out allowed me to focus on my work and stop feeling guilty.

The act of gratefulness seems so simple yet many of us do not make it a daily practice. It is free, quick, easy and available to absolutely everyone who wishes to practice it. So, as we enter the holiday season and bring 2009 to a close, I encourage you to consider what you are grateful for, especially if this was a challenging year.

I want to share a partial list of what I am grateful for today:

• faith that sustains me and helps me keep all of life in perspective - successes and challenges,
• friends who support, challenge and encourage me,
• family who has always believed in me no matter how silly I was (and continue to be),
• clients- I am really fortunate to work with amazing clients who are using leadership development programs to make a major impact on the world,
• graduate students who work diligently to become more effective transformational leaders,
• pets, Sabina and Beau the dogs and Boone the cat,
• challenging and rewarding work - I really love what I do,
• amazing colleagues - I am really fortunate to work with very talented change management consultants and alliance partners,
  
• physical and emotional health,
• non-profit board work - I am very fortunate to have the resources, skills and energy to give back to the community,
• network of talented people across the globe who shape my perspective and make me a better person,
• great neighbors - I live in a community of caring people who support and encourage one another,
• earth and natural resources - that gives us what we need to survive including: food, shelter, and beauty,
• artists - they make our world more beautiful and meaningful,
• philosophers, researchers, and scientists who make our lives richer, more productive, and philosophically deeper.

So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, we at Metcalf & Associates would like to express our gratitude to all of our clients, colleagues, and friends for all you have done to make us successful. We trust this holiday season and coming year will find your lives filled with reasons to be filled with gratefulness. Photocredit: alicepopkorn

By Maureen Metcalf at Metcalf & Associates, Inc.

 

Managing in Uncharted Territory - Rule #4 - Build a Strong Network

In our exploration of Leading in Uncharted Territory, Rule #4 is build a strong network of people outside your organization to share ideas and collaborate - connect with the rock stars. The research tells us that Level 5 Leaders are the most effective at leading transformation. You may want to include people who meet these criteria  in your network and actively seek their thoughts when making significant transformation decisions.  When I thought about this blog post, I was initially focused on who should be in a strong network. After a challenging week I am thinking about who should NOT be in your network.  So, as I think about who I look to for guidance, I realize I have a 2 tier approach, people I trust and people I find interesting. Following is the list of criteria for people I trust - the precious jewels of my life:

    * People whose judgment I trust without question
    * People with expertise I do not have - different industries, different perspectives
    * People who take time and to share their perspective and explore differing points of view
    * People who are willing to be honest and direct when confronted with differing views - demonstrate a high degree of emotional intelligence
    * People who I want to form alliance with long term because of our common business interests and strong reputation

I could summarize the people I trust category by saying, if they see an issue differently than I do, I will stop and ask why to consider if there is something I missed. I would consider looking at an issue or decision differently based on their input. I continue to learn from these people - I do not always agree or change my direction but I certainly learn.

The second category is people I find interesting. They may be nice, interesting and talented but I do not look to them to help shape my point of view. I love being around people who are different than I am - I learn a great deal from them about various subjects. My challenge comes if I mistake interesting for trusted adviser.

Examples From Real Life:

The short story about a friend and person I considered a trusted adviser but no longer do. We met regularly and I considered listened to his point of view which often differed from mine. I enjoyed hanging out with him because he was interesting. I learned over time and through intense interactions that I needed to see him as an interesting person and not spend time continually questioning my point of view because we differed. Why did I change my position:

    * I found that I continually asked if his point of view helped me be better at what I did?
    * Were his comments helpful for me to identify things I missed?
    * Did the time we spent together make me noticeably better?

Because the answer to all of these questions was no, I made a conscious effort to change how we interacted. I still found him interesting but I stopped looking to him to help me expand my thinking and instead just enjoyed listening to his perspective on the world.

To give a balanced perspective, here is the story of someone I do consider an absolute jewel of an adviser and friend. I had a conversation with a very trusted colleague this week, Hugh Cathey from Columbus-Partners. He has been an ongoing trusted adviser and I cherish the time we spend together. Some of the characteristics that differentiate Hugh are: a long string of successful ventures, respectful and thoughtful response when he differs, expressing a genuine care and hope for my success, among others. I do not reach out often because he is quite busy and I consider myself fortunate for all the time we spend together. It is Hugh and people like Hugh, who help me be more than I could ever be solo.

Beyond networking, I also form more formal alliances with some of my most trusted colleagues. An informal alliance I am participating in includes InterKannections in Japan along with ICM Consulting in Canada. These companies and others recommended in this blog are among the best in our field. We share similar frameworks and approaches to consulting and to life. We learn from one another and all offer better solutions for our investment of time in this relationship. We all use the "Level 5" framework in conjunction with the integral framework. We have taken our relationship to a different level in because we are forming a structured alliance. This is most interesting because as smaller businesses, we want to offer full solutions to our clients and scale when they need additional support from us. Having a common frame of reference is very helpful as we do not need to spend much time setting the context and clarifying what we are talking about. We also build upon one another's wisdom and success.

We are located in several countries and even different continents. They are great at what they do and share their insight gracefully. We have a trusting partnership where we work together. I find it interesting that barriers we had in the past seem less relevant in this situation. We communicate by Skype regularly and meet live when possible.

So my questions to myself and to you are: Are you cultivating those precious jewels who can give you insight because of their experience or world view? How can you expand these relationships and form new structures that benefit all members of the group? Are you eliminating people whose judgment you do not respect?

by Maureen Metcalf of Metcalf & Associates, Inc

Rule 1: Build Emotional Intelligence

According to Daniel Goleman, "Emotional competence made the crucial difference between mediocre leaders and the best. On average, close to 90 percent of their success in leadership was attributable to emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is often defined as, "the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions" by Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer (1990).   To enhance your emotional intelligence you may consider investing time doing the following:

   1. Quiet reflection which can range from traditional meditation, prayer, chanting through a walk in the woods.
   2. Self care including being mindful of healthy eating and getting sufficient sleep as often as possible.
   3. Exercising regularly is a great way to maintain our energy level and also "burn off" the negative chemicals that are released into our bodies when we feel stressed
   4. Cultivating friendships with people who offer support and kindness and give us an opportunity to give back. Friendship with pets counts - walk a dog or pet a cat until it purrs.
   5. Being grateful. Remember 5 things we are grateful for every day. This seems so simple yet this simple act can shift our perspective. When we feel bad - remember those who have less.
   6. Taking the perspective of the other when in conflict with another person, imagine what they may feel. I find that when I look through their eyes, the world may look different than I imagined from my vantage point.
   7. Serving others often makes us feel our best - even if very small for someone else. Some days I may only have time to give a smile and that may be enough to improve my day and theirs.

Please share recommendations that work for you and your success stories.

Please visit our website for information about our coaching services and case studies that show how our clients have succeeded using our leadership practices.

-Maureen Metcalf at Metcalf & Associates, Inc